stagnant joy water

Lately, thinking about life gives me major freak-outs at least twice a day. You know, mentally amassing the big picture. The whole hot dog all in one ginormous bite (did you know "ginormous" is not in the dictionary?). But I don't believe it is necessary to mentally digest life in this manner. Especially not if it causes freak-outs.

God seems to care very much about the details. The daily stuff. The incalculable thoughts and intangible moments. My every thought and action and reaction. The minute circumstances of my situation...all for Him, all for His glory. If He is content to work with me in the small things, why do I so stubbornly fixate on each opportunity and option I might ever possibly have in my life, gathering them close to me and then realizing that each one weighs as much as an overfull dump truck, the total mass of which is enough to crush even a man-giant like that guy Andre who always plays the big dude in movies. Are you getting my picture? The whole shabang all at once is too much to bear.

We can instead dwell on the little things. Practical steps we can take. I have a word picture for you. Imagine a glass jar filled with stones. When I can see my life as this container of small rocks (my fears and anguish and stress), joy is water that can effortlessly seep into tiny spaces between the stones and settle in the midst of them. Joy - lots of it. Not without the stones, but surrounding them. This is much nicer than when I imagine that my cute jar is filled with solid concrete - all of my problems as one disgusting mass.

These are the types of blogs we get when I'm deliriously sleepy. I will edit this one tomorrow. But I encourage you to dwell on the inspiring image of your nasty little pebbles soaking in a jar full of joy. Good night :)