I haven't posted lately - been too concerned with the daily living that I haven't had time to step back and make swooping generalizations and ask myself abstract questions :)
Tonight, though, I'm totally overwhelmed by God - at how He's given me faith this week, and worked out the problems I've faced with my professors as I try to convince them to work with me for my Thailand trip. God reminded me that He never said this would be easy, and by His grace, I haven't let mean people drag me down this week. A wonderful talk with my T.A. today, and as an added bonus, I met a girl from Australia ;)
A week, you guys! A week and we're off to Thailand...I feel like I've spent so much time sorting out details for going that I haven't actually thought about the trip itself. Does that make sense? I'm getting excited, though. I really want to expect a lot from God - I need Him to help me dream. I don't want to be such a realist (about the shortness of this trip, the fact that I don't feel called to Thailand) that I forget child-like excitement that keeps me up at night.
One more thing I'm reminded of this week...I can't make decisions about my life and schedule based on what my friends, or family, or society says I "should" be able to handle. This week, God's expanded my capacity for doing a lot of things everyday, and I've had a great attitude. A miracle, I think. Usually I spend time busy, frustrated and resentful...or lazy - and guilty about it. I need to take my cues from God and listen to my body and mind telling me when enough is enough. When I need to stop. Even if everyone else would call me lazy. Maybe I can only handle school and one job a week - I need to be okay with that. I'm not accountable to them. This is good news for me :)
Thursday, March 31
Monday, March 28
A few of my favorite things
My favorite things about tonight:
-A chance to make up for a lost phone call with Jess (I hope it's an accepted substitute!)
-An evening with my magical friend and precious girly conversation
-Arts and handicrafts
-A $330 bunny
-A new perspective on an amazing movie (A Beautiful Mind - sorry Jess, I couldn't wait!)
-A phone call from the closest thing to that special someone
-MiniEggs.
School's good, dinner's good, night's good. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
-A chance to make up for a lost phone call with Jess (I hope it's an accepted substitute!)
-An evening with my magical friend and precious girly conversation
-Arts and handicrafts
-A $330 bunny
-A new perspective on an amazing movie (A Beautiful Mind - sorry Jess, I couldn't wait!)
-A phone call from the closest thing to that special someone
-MiniEggs.
School's good, dinner's good, night's good. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
Saturday, March 19
Tuesday, March 15
deep God thoughts
...A shoutout to Steve for this one - A deep God thought for you.
Homegroup tonight was amazing. I walked in with a lot of random concepts, and the Holy Spirit somehow pulled everything together. The coolest ideas I walked away with:
1) Jesus gave sight to a blind man (John 9), and the group thought about what he must have experienced when he first saw the world. About how it might be a lot like us trying to imagine a new color - every color we could picture in our heads was something we'd already seen. A new color would require a completely different category in our brains, a new place conceptually....a new plane....and we moved on to think about how following Jesus was like trying to imagine a new color. Totally above our abilities to imagine, requiring total faith, completely different from anything we'd experienced. Jesus gives sight to the blind. Us.
2) That the church today spends so little time repenting. We were trying to figure out how we're supposed to repent...after every sin? At the end of every day? A blanket prayer, or for specifics? I was struck by the thought that if we really, really understood our sin as God does, and could trace its destruction and how it devastates ourselves and God and other people (Five People You'll Meet in Heaven), how somber we would be as we asked for forgiveness. Not just a sidenote in the Sunday reflection prayer before church was dismissed. Maybe Catholics and Episcopals have that idea right, that it is worth taking time every week to dwell on our sin, that we might truly understand grace.
3) Chapter 11 from Chocolat...Serge physically abuses his wife, Josephine, and later asks her for forgiveness, and she accepts his apology. He's stunned as he realizes that this does not mean she will come back to live with him. Is our repentance conditional? Do we ask God for forgiveness, expecting him also to undo the damage our sin has already done in our lives? Do we ask God for forgiveness, when all we really want is for God to put things back to normal?
Yikes. I love you guys. Lacey
Homegroup tonight was amazing. I walked in with a lot of random concepts, and the Holy Spirit somehow pulled everything together. The coolest ideas I walked away with:
1) Jesus gave sight to a blind man (John 9), and the group thought about what he must have experienced when he first saw the world. About how it might be a lot like us trying to imagine a new color - every color we could picture in our heads was something we'd already seen. A new color would require a completely different category in our brains, a new place conceptually....a new plane....and we moved on to think about how following Jesus was like trying to imagine a new color. Totally above our abilities to imagine, requiring total faith, completely different from anything we'd experienced. Jesus gives sight to the blind. Us.
2) That the church today spends so little time repenting. We were trying to figure out how we're supposed to repent...after every sin? At the end of every day? A blanket prayer, or for specifics? I was struck by the thought that if we really, really understood our sin as God does, and could trace its destruction and how it devastates ourselves and God and other people (Five People You'll Meet in Heaven), how somber we would be as we asked for forgiveness. Not just a sidenote in the Sunday reflection prayer before church was dismissed. Maybe Catholics and Episcopals have that idea right, that it is worth taking time every week to dwell on our sin, that we might truly understand grace.
3) Chapter 11 from Chocolat...Serge physically abuses his wife, Josephine, and later asks her for forgiveness, and she accepts his apology. He's stunned as he realizes that this does not mean she will come back to live with him. Is our repentance conditional? Do we ask God for forgiveness, expecting him also to undo the damage our sin has already done in our lives? Do we ask God for forgiveness, when all we really want is for God to put things back to normal?
Yikes. I love you guys. Lacey
Monday, March 14
two (un)related thoughts
Number one: A quote.
"I hate to be the bearer of good news, because only pessimists are regarded as intellectually serious..." (David Brooks)
Number two: A question.
What does it mean that Jessica is who she is, and I am who I want to be? I wonder if she's got the right thing going with this one...
Had a wonderful break from studying today with mini eggs and sushi and Sharon. And butter and corn and Alena. Now it's back to my notecards, friends. Spring Break beckons - I will walk two steps to the right on the calendar and be finished.
Before I leave, a warning. If your pants are too tight, don't ride your bike.
The benediction for this message can be found here.
"I hate to be the bearer of good news, because only pessimists are regarded as intellectually serious..." (David Brooks)
Number two: A question.
What does it mean that Jessica is who she is, and I am who I want to be? I wonder if she's got the right thing going with this one...
Had a wonderful break from studying today with mini eggs and sushi and Sharon. And butter and corn and Alena. Now it's back to my notecards, friends. Spring Break beckons - I will walk two steps to the right on the calendar and be finished.
Before I leave, a warning. If your pants are too tight, don't ride your bike.
The benediction for this message can be found here.
Saturday, March 12
Be encouraged by this! =)
My friend Nathaniel is an intern for a Presbyterian college ministry in the midwest. He's totally genuine in how he lives, which makes his letters even more encouraging....enjoy :)
"Please pray for these guys [the students he works with] that they do continue to wrestle with the disappointments in their lives and that they seek after and run after the God who is running after them. And you can pray for me as well. Sometimes I feel that it's easy for me to get caught up in Christianity as a process, a system of things to believe, a series of things to do. At least I think I prefer it that way sometimes, quietly gliding along on my bicycle of self complacency and self sufficiency. That is until God puts a stick in between my spokes and as I fly through the air I suddenly remember that He's real. The internship has been amazing in it's ability to re-direct me to the fellowship and the worship of the living and true God. And I pray for you all as well, that God bless you for your love and provision, and that he draw you out as well, making of you more and more of a living worshiper in the midst of whatever trials and sufferings you face."
"Please pray for these guys [the students he works with] that they do continue to wrestle with the disappointments in their lives and that they seek after and run after the God who is running after them. And you can pray for me as well. Sometimes I feel that it's easy for me to get caught up in Christianity as a process, a system of things to believe, a series of things to do. At least I think I prefer it that way sometimes, quietly gliding along on my bicycle of self complacency and self sufficiency. That is until God puts a stick in between my spokes and as I fly through the air I suddenly remember that He's real. The internship has been amazing in it's ability to re-direct me to the fellowship and the worship of the living and true God. And I pray for you all as well, that God bless you for your love and provision, and that he draw you out as well, making of you more and more of a living worshiper in the midst of whatever trials and sufferings you face."
Wednesday, March 9
happy and terrified
Wish me luck today! I have my first final. I'm going to be sooooooo happy to be done with one. I've been waking up in the night lately because I think there's an earthquake...not just a little one, but "the one" people predict will hit our state. And I get terrified. Until I realize my cat's still sleeping next to me, so nothing *too* terrible's going on. But it's unnerving just the same.
But then, I get into my day and God gives me joy. Like walking through the quad a few minutes ago with beaaaaautiful cherry blossoms softening the scenery...I even like the grey sky. A lot. I'm refreshed and invigorated. And I remember that I chose a life of extremes instead of middle-of-the-road nothingness. This is my choice.
Homegroup was wonderful last night, and completely convicting. Ephesians 4, somewhere, about changing our thoughts and attitudes. It's *exactly* what I needed to hear, and definitely the last thing I wanted to be confronted with. I know I can change my attitude, but I agree with Sharon - sometimes, after you live in the dark for awhile, it's WAY more comfortable to stay there. I don't know what's so terrifying about joy and choosing happiness. Maybe that's what Jesus means when he said we need courage to follow him. I always wondered what that meant for a safe, suburban, American Christian...
But then, I get into my day and God gives me joy. Like walking through the quad a few minutes ago with beaaaaautiful cherry blossoms softening the scenery...I even like the grey sky. A lot. I'm refreshed and invigorated. And I remember that I chose a life of extremes instead of middle-of-the-road nothingness. This is my choice.
Homegroup was wonderful last night, and completely convicting. Ephesians 4, somewhere, about changing our thoughts and attitudes. It's *exactly* what I needed to hear, and definitely the last thing I wanted to be confronted with. I know I can change my attitude, but I agree with Sharon - sometimes, after you live in the dark for awhile, it's WAY more comfortable to stay there. I don't know what's so terrifying about joy and choosing happiness. Maybe that's what Jesus means when he said we need courage to follow him. I always wondered what that meant for a safe, suburban, American Christian...
Sunday, March 6
Saturday, March 5
i am my dream come true
What I mean is....I just realized that on this particular night in history, this flash of a moment in time, I am who I want to be. I've spent years and years looking at other people and wishing I was more like them. My hypocrisy, or perceived hypocrisy, weighed so heavy...Lots of night and tears of guilt and frustrated anxiety because I knew who I wanted to be and I wasn't her. Tonight, sitting on my couch, listening to my pseudo-classical music, reading "The Good News About Injustice" and glancing for momentary happiness at my new room...yes. Right now, it's fulfilling, you know? And I'm glad to not want to be someone else. And I'm glad that I'm so content to be me.
And here's my disclaimer - the thing that doesn't fit into this rosy picture...I'm still really bad at the whole love thing. Which I think is really important and probably too heavy a subject to deal with given my present euphoric state. The relentless mantra begins to drive me to guilty knees ... knowledge puffs up, love builds up knowledge puffs up, love builds up ....
But my heart will not stand to be burdened tonight, not by anything. God will complete the good work he's started.
And here's my disclaimer - the thing that doesn't fit into this rosy picture...I'm still really bad at the whole love thing. Which I think is really important and probably too heavy a subject to deal with given my present euphoric state. The relentless mantra begins to drive me to guilty knees ... knowledge puffs up, love builds up knowledge puffs up, love builds up ....
But my heart will not stand to be burdened tonight, not by anything. God will complete the good work he's started.
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