Dying in Darfur

I cannot keep silent anymore.

There's a burning in my heart for a place halfway around the world, a region of Sudan called Darfur. It's about the size of Texas. And people are dying, really brutally, about 10,000 a month.

I've learned about the genocide in Rwanda, and the ethnic cleansing in Bosnia and the former Yugoslavia. I've learned that the international community knew and did nothing. And I've learned that the same thing is going on right now in Sudan. Can it really be happening again?

The slightly chaotic sites linked above give information about Darfur, and what we can do to help, but here's the rundown: Arab Sudanese killing African Sudanese, with the government's help. The UN estimates the death toll to be 70,000 but that number's probably underestimated because they aren't allowed in to count.

When we wonder at the pain and suffering here on earth, do we blame God for allowing it, or do we first look to the inaction of his representatives here ...us... when we're troubleshooting?

We cannot be cynics. But we can't be indifferent, either. I don't mean to guilt-trip, because if I wasn't taking an International Relations class right now I'd have no idea what's going on. But since I've become aware of this, it's really been burdening my heart.

There are three reasons I'm so passionate about this. One, I know that it's happening right now, today. Two, it's happening to real people that God created and loves. Three (and this is essential).... I can help. I really believe there's a lot we as Americans can do to make our government aware of what's going on and our concern for the Africans in Sudan.

Clicking on the title of this blog will link you to www.darfurgenocide.org. The other site I'd recommend is www.savedarfur.com. Can we figure out a way to work together for these people? (petition, letters, spreading awareness) Please comment...

A new blog

Sharon's brought our brainchild into reality. A place to dialogue, share, comment, and wonder. I think we're starting with Hebrews 3, but I'm not sure. I'll keep you posted. We wanted to keep a discussion going and help keep our focus on God during the week.

"We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away..."

We cannot be indifferent, and we cannot ignore, what God's already told us. It's easier to remember what God's told us through his Word if we write it down, right?

Can true community be created online? We shall see, my friends, we shall see........

You can click on the title of this post ("A new blog") to connect to the site. Love you all.

I'm not bitter anymore!

So I had the weirdest experience yesterday. I woke up in a bad mood, as I had for the past week....all I could think about was what was going wrong, what wasn't happening that should, what was happening that shouldn't...and then I walked into the bathroom (that's not the most amazing part).

When I walked in, I suddenly decided that I was totally sick of being in a bad mood. I was tired of the burden of bitterness and of thinking that everyone owed me something. Martyrdom has run its course, my friends!
So I changed my attitude, just decided I would do it. It worked!! I walked out of the bathroom and THE WORLD WAS NEW!

I'm not even kidding. Before I walked in the bathroom, I turned my electric heater on thinking, "Well, I'm going to be cold anyway" and when I walked out and saw it, and I was overwhelmed by gratitude and happiness - I have an electric heater!! I have an electric heater!!!!!! That's so nice!!!

Weird, huh?

The other great thing is that last night I was starting to slip back into my mood when I got back from Jessica's party, and started journaling (highly recommended). Jesus totally met me there, reminding me of who I *really* want to be. I don't want to be a bitter old lady at the age of 20. No no no. He filled me with hope, and I'm really grateful. My baggage still drags at my feet, but there's hope, you know? So there you go. Pray for me...I hope I don't forget all of this :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JESSICA!

...for many great feats, to a wonderful friend, to a life fully lived...

I raise a toast!

TO JESSICA! AND TO MANY HAPPY YEARS AHEAD!

my comeback

I wish I was cool. I cringe to type the words...have I regressed to junior high, or was I always stuck there? I feel so overwhelmed by the task that I'm bound to just give up all together. It's better to be myself, right?! Buuuut, I would rather be like some other people.

Taking this even further (if I could be so bold as to fantasize in public)...I would also rather have someone else's relationships. Pre-packaged, well-maintained with healthy boundaries, please. I am too lazy, too scared, and too unwilling to do "messy" right now. I wish I was motivated to maintain friendships like my beautiful friends deserve!! What happened to me caring more about what God said than what I'm inclined (not) to do?

My eyes are sometimes glazed over with perpetual annoyance or boredom, and maybe partly from this cold that's clinging to me from the weekend. I hate it when my emotions intertube to the oceans from the top of Mt. Everests, but I might hate it even more when I don't feel anything.

"Now my brash hope has
dwindled into certainty and
I no longer care to question why.
But I miss the cramping hunger
that drove me to the boards,
I miss the do or die.
I was never born to be satisfied"
-Juliet Turner, "Theatre for the Broken" lyrics

God - and my counselor - are working with me to "fix" my merciless tendency to expect perfection out of life. Where did it come from? I think I picked up my mom's baggage at the carousel, but I know it would be misdirected to blame her. I get so frustrated when every detail in my day doesn't meet my divine expectations...is it a cop-out to just say I'm yearning for heaven? I think maybe, but I'm not sure.

It's sooo hard to think about school after a long weekend. So much to do...