Charlie returns home tonight...
and I wanted to be the first to say
WELCOME BACK, FOO :)
Wednesday, March 25
Wednesday, March 18
a season of waiting
Thank God for the universality of the human condition :) Two quotes from When the Heart Waits...
"When you're waiting you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be."
"Contemplative waiting is consenting to be where we really are. People recoil from it because they don't want to be present to themselves. Such waiting causes a deep existential loneliness to surface, a feeling of being disconnected from oneself and from God. At the depths there is fear, fear of the dark chaos within ourselves."
I do feel comforted to remember that even in aloneness I'm not alone. Charlie and I once talked about the fear of facing ourselves, the unknown or the "dark chaos," that sometimes causes us to remain shallow in our times with God and constricts intimacy within our human relationships. I want to be less timid. To gaze at my soul, and yours, with unflinching honesty and the courage God provides.
"When you're waiting you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be."
"Contemplative waiting is consenting to be where we really are. People recoil from it because they don't want to be present to themselves. Such waiting causes a deep existential loneliness to surface, a feeling of being disconnected from oneself and from God. At the depths there is fear, fear of the dark chaos within ourselves."
I do feel comforted to remember that even in aloneness I'm not alone. Charlie and I once talked about the fear of facing ourselves, the unknown or the "dark chaos," that sometimes causes us to remain shallow in our times with God and constricts intimacy within our human relationships. I want to be less timid. To gaze at my soul, and yours, with unflinching honesty and the courage God provides.
Monday, March 16
dave ramsey's financial diet.
Thank you, Dave Ramsey. After watching only three DVD recordings of this corny guy, I actually do feel more financially peaceful! Imagine.
On Friday I met with Carla to examine my budget. It's good to have a second pair of eyes, you know? Here are the results of our corporate shakedown:
I paid off my credit card and made the fateful decision to not take on a $60,000 student loan debt. I think this was good for my financial solvency. I don't know what solvency means.
I can also, guilt-free and with no debt, acquire new Sonicare toothbrush heads, Norton Antivirus software, and a haircut...all within the next two months. Okay, I can tell you're not as excited as me and I'm okay with that. I am stoked.
In addition, at Carla's urging I increased my bi-monthly food budget from $10 to $35, which seems excessive to me but she insisted it was necessary. She made me promise to eat meals. Apparently occasional bagels at work don't cut it. So I went to Safeway and bought bananas, pasta, and juice, and walked out feeling completely domesticated and lovely. Like I should be wearing a skirt or something.
This week I will attempt a full-blown Dave Ramsey budget. I will keep you posted.
By the way, Amy is awesome.
On Friday I met with Carla to examine my budget. It's good to have a second pair of eyes, you know? Here are the results of our corporate shakedown:
I paid off my credit card and made the fateful decision to not take on a $60,000 student loan debt. I think this was good for my financial solvency. I don't know what solvency means.
I can also, guilt-free and with no debt, acquire new Sonicare toothbrush heads, Norton Antivirus software, and a haircut...all within the next two months. Okay, I can tell you're not as excited as me and I'm okay with that. I am stoked.
In addition, at Carla's urging I increased my bi-monthly food budget from $10 to $35, which seems excessive to me but she insisted it was necessary. She made me promise to eat meals. Apparently occasional bagels at work don't cut it. So I went to Safeway and bought bananas, pasta, and juice, and walked out feeling completely domesticated and lovely. Like I should be wearing a skirt or something.
This week I will attempt a full-blown Dave Ramsey budget. I will keep you posted.
By the way, Amy is awesome.
Monday, March 9
like a technological 8-ball
Maybe the grief of the past three days can be written off to PMS. I'm not sure, but maybe.
Tonight I was about to ask Google what to do about my chronic feeling of aloneness. The deep aloneness that settled in years ago and flares up unexpectedly when I am surrounded by people and floors me with the sense that I am utterly on my own in this world. Google, how can I fix this persistant ache? I didn't end up asking Google because I knew Jesus would be jealous, with good reason. So I asked him instead.
I love you, Lacey...I love you! I love you!
My sad and desperate heart replied with equal vehemence,
I don't...know what...that means!
I don't know what that means.
I think I should turn off the Cranberries' "Ode to My Family" (let's be honest, it is not helping my situation!) and call it a night. Sometimes throwing in the towel is my best chance for victory.
Tonight I was about to ask Google what to do about my chronic feeling of aloneness. The deep aloneness that settled in years ago and flares up unexpectedly when I am surrounded by people and floors me with the sense that I am utterly on my own in this world. Google, how can I fix this persistant ache? I didn't end up asking Google because I knew Jesus would be jealous, with good reason. So I asked him instead.
I love you, Lacey...I love you! I love you!
My sad and desperate heart replied with equal vehemence,
I don't...know what...that means!
I don't know what that means.
I think I should turn off the Cranberries' "Ode to My Family" (let's be honest, it is not helping my situation!) and call it a night. Sometimes throwing in the towel is my best chance for victory.
Sunday, March 8
Descartes
There should be more humility in philosophy. Kudos to this dude...
"...Above all we should impress on our memory as an infallible rule that what God has revealed to us is incomparably more certain than anything else; and that we ought to submit to Divine authority rather than to our own judgment even though the light of reason may seem to us to suggest, with the utmost clearness and evidence, something opposite" (Descartes in Principles of Philosophy).
In other, less esoteric, news...
I'm heading to Mars Hill Church tonight. I'm actually excited to not be carpooling and to not have made firm plans for afterward. Lately I have been quiet...my soul has been quiet. I am much more inclined to be alone with God than with groups of people. A lot of my energy and time have been spent on Him these past few weeks; my favorite moments are blocks of the afternoon that involve caffeine and biscotti. And I'm starting to feel like I am getting to know Him a little bit. I want more.
"...Above all we should impress on our memory as an infallible rule that what God has revealed to us is incomparably more certain than anything else; and that we ought to submit to Divine authority rather than to our own judgment even though the light of reason may seem to us to suggest, with the utmost clearness and evidence, something opposite" (Descartes in Principles of Philosophy).
In other, less esoteric, news...
I'm heading to Mars Hill Church tonight. I'm actually excited to not be carpooling and to not have made firm plans for afterward. Lately I have been quiet...my soul has been quiet. I am much more inclined to be alone with God than with groups of people. A lot of my energy and time have been spent on Him these past few weeks; my favorite moments are blocks of the afternoon that involve caffeine and biscotti. And I'm starting to feel like I am getting to know Him a little bit. I want more.
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