Psalm 40

I waited patiently [or...not so patiently] for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.

Brave - Nichole Nordeman

The gate is wide, The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground, You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been
'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo, I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough, You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small, And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all, I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump, Even ready to fall...

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me, That changes everything

I've had a miserable time these past few days trying to comprehend the fact that I won't be at youth group anymore, hanging out at least once a week with all of my favorite people. There's a gaping hole in me, and I'm heartbroken. For any youth ministry students and staff reading this, you really do mean the world to me and I have felt the full extent of this loss over the past few days. I have asked God to confirm that I've made the right decision, and he gave me encouragement through three close friends today and I have a little more peace in my heart. I am so scared and exhilarated by this move to leave Northlake. I feel like I'm in the first few seconds of free-fall on one of those zipper rides at the fair. My stomach has migrated north, and I can't quite catch my breath, even to scream. There's no way to go back, to get off this ride. The ride doesn't usually last too long, but knowing that doesn't lessen the intensity of the experience. At this point, I'm struggling to imagine how God could provide me with an equally wonderful, beautiful group of people. But, like Steve said to me tonight, I've just jumped off a cliff, and it might take a little while for my parachute to open. My life right now looks like a barren wasteland, stretching out for infinity, but I think this will just make God's surprises that much more delightful for me to receive.

Thanks for your prayers. I'm praying for you all too.

I am employed!!

I'd like to thank God and the Waterfront Coffee Company.... :) I have recently joined the work force (Sharon, I will see you Tuesday:) ... I'm totally, pleasantly surprised how this worked out in the end, and how God's used this whole period it to loosen my grip on "my" life throughout this summer. I have been trusting him to give me what I need financially (according to what He knows is best), and it's been totally freeing...what (it seems) He's taken with His right hand, He's giving back with His left. This is cool stuff. Life can change in a second, you know?

Also, with all the free time I've had lately, I've been trying to organize and consolidate all this stuff in the attic from my childhood, and the process has been unexpectedly therapeutic for me. Remembering where I've come from, who I am, who I'd wanted to be...It's comforting, and I can rest. And it reminds me why I'm a lovely person, which is something I forget alot. Anyway, a lot of random thoughts. Going to keep going in God's grace - it's worked so far. I love you all.

Prayer of Confession

From a church in San Francisco - I like it.

"Father, we cry out to you as people who are sitting in the depths. On the surface, we profess to have it all together. Some of us claim to have mastered our lives through competence. Others of us distance ourselves from pain and disappointment through our deep cynicism. Most of us do both in a desperate attempt to maintain control.

But you know every nook and cranny of our hearts. You know the games we play. You know our insecurity. You know our fear. You know that we would rather die than give control of our lives to you. Our fear, anxiety and misery flow from our distrust of you.

So Father, the only reason we come to you now is because you have promised to embrace us. Your love for us is even stronger than our distrust. We believe that since you drove your own Son away from your embrace, you will now run to us. Forgive us and heal us we pray, for Jesus' sake. Amen."